After a short time in Colorado, we returned to the ocean.

Most of my friends are in Wisconsin right now, facing an Endless Winter, and I’ve been conflicted, deeply conflicted, about the privileges I enjoy, and the beautiful places I get to see.

Author Stephanie Pearl-McPhee recently wrote a post about the guilt she felt about going on vacation, and she put it better than I ever could:

Mostly I still feel guilty when I have something nice. I’ve heard the argument that I’m not comfortable with nice things because my self esteem is low. I’m willing to buy that on some level – but really, it isn’t that I don’t think I deserve a rest, or a vacation, or cashmere. It’s that I really think that most people do- and I feel bad having something that they’re not, when they’re just as hardworking and worthy as I am.

That’s pretty much how I feel. It’s not that I’m unworthy (although there is some of that): rather, it’s that there’s a whole world full of people who are “just as hardworking and worthy as I am.”

We went to Hawaii with happy hearts, to witness a long-awaited wedding. I’d never been to the Big Island before, and I found the waves and the lava rocks captivating.

There was no beach swimming at our resort in Kona–no safe beach swimming, anyway–but one of the pools had sand for the children to play in, so they could pretend they were on the beach.

As for me, I just wanted to watch the boats and the waves.

But I did get into the water eventually. We drove up to a secluded beach north of Kona, where we found shallow coves, sandy shores, and sea turtles.

It was a nice day for a nap in the sun.